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Drinks acknowledge the new year- so don’t forget to acknowledge your barista this year
Is it just me, or does this new year already feel strangely like the last one? So far, the only difference is an influx in non-fat, gluten-free and oatmilk requests. But the flow of drinks remain basically the same, as do the sighs of the disgruntled regulars reacting to the new prices for the same fancy-shmancy things and their slightly tighter work clothes. New year or not, it's always the same ol’ coffee business as usual, and that’s the one resolution that everyone can count on keeping, even if you can't really count the dollars in the bank or the calories you consumed from the past week.
For Baristas everywhere, the holidays were merely an irritating hiccup in our daily coffee lives: Even-more-endless line-ups and anxious tizzy quickly melted into a strangely empty, freakishly un-busy store. And though I soaked up the overtime hours of standing still and pampering the few nonchalant people who happened to wander through our doors, tracking slush along the pristine floors, the imbalance of that pre-Christmas chaos to the post-Boxing Day absolutely-nothing-going-on, had me longing for the new year when I could slide back into the same-old-same-old, which 2020 already is...
While I managed to steal a few days off, my shopping list of gifts went un-bought, festive TV specials were un-watched and I attended lots of cheerful Christmas parties…NOT! Call me Scrooge, but my free time was spent hidden away rejecting holiday invites, leaving dinners to head home for an early night and slogging to the bus to get to my shift in time so I wouldn’t get stuck in the slush, and so I could see just how endless was the ever-winding line.
I almost fell asleep while eating turkey at the table and the one party I did manage to attend was a Hannukah one AND I passed out before I had time to light a candle or spin a dreidel. The best gifts of all were the silence and stillness I absorbed like a sponge when I finally found a moment to do my laundry, splash around in the sudsy, soapy water when I finally tackled the pile of dishes mounting since November and cuddling the one creature I was really was happy to see: my customer’s lonely husky I promised to diligently feed.
New Year's Eve came upon me with a messy bang: working next to the liquor store was, for once, not a blessing but an unfortunate curse that had me breading the days of structured holiday celebration. And as usual, time just flies by, especially when you have a repetitive pile of drinks longer than Santa's naughty list, leading from the espresso machine to the coffee brewers with not much room for movement in between.
It's not even 2020 and I am back on that same coffee treadmill, if you will. My solution to unfilled New Year's Resolutions is to never make any- then I'll never break any and never have to feel bad that I'm STILL behind the counter instead of smugly married with 2.5 kids who request their whipped cream piled right to the lid. And I'm sure that by next year, no matter how many dreams I have and fears to dread, I'll still be right here...your resolute coffee girl, singing the barista blues.
So, here’s to another year that already doesn’t feel quite so new…but at least we know exactly what we are in for...ready or not.
Some Barista Advice in place of New Year’s Resolution:
Don’t waste time feeling guilty about packing on the holiday pounds! I see you everyday and you don’t look any heavier, you’re not going to get any lighter, so if you want it, eat it and quit holding up the line gazing at the treat you wish you could eat in the pastry case- just order it, eat it, enjoy it and move on!
On the above note: If you don’t yet have one, Don’t bother getting a gym membership! You’ll only spend more time talking to your Baristas about said membership as you try to make an extra stop and take an extra coffee break and spend extra money on wasted gym minutes and coffee calories. Too bad you don’t burn fat shmoozing for reassurance from your coffee girls (who don’t care about your diet goals that aren’t going to happen).
Spend more time with your family. And don’t bitch to us that you spend to much time at the office..bitch with your family instead. Just because you order us to make your fancy drink and listen to your sob stories, doesn’t make us your bitches.
Don’t feel guilty about your bad habit! You’ll just start doing it again once the pressure of quitting for January is over and you realize the inevitable: February brings the same 2019 routine all over again. Plus, we baristas find you more pleasant when you chain smoke, binge drink and our jobs rely on caffeine addicts. So, remember what your parents and society always told you: no one likes a quitter! Shoot up, smoke up and drink up…bottoms up from coffee people everywhere!
Don’t modify your beverage! Keep in plain and simple and don’t feel like the new year is a opportunity to reinvent your self or redefine your routine with a signature beverage. If we know your drink already, be thankful! If we don’t, it’s because you’re a boring slob or pretentious snob and changing it up will just make you seem more desperate or hot-headed. If you need a quick-start to modify your life, join a book club or change your wardrobe. Don’t make our lives more unbearable!
Be neat and tidy-up. Seriously, who are these people that leave ginormous messes at the condiment stands!? Milk everywhere, sugar spills left and right and missing the garbage can by a mile?! Really now, these people should be weeded out this year, reformed and ignored by society. Give us all a break and if you’re one of these slobby Joes, please resolve to be cleaner to your coffee friends and neighbours. I feel like I should be giving out dish cloths instead of coffee samples!
Make new friends. Stop taking up giant tables with your lonely self and all your stuff. Move over and let your fellow lonely stranger sit down beside you. Close facebook, twitter and plentyoffish, and instead get to know the mortals and loners who frequent your hot spots. With the endless hours you spend here, you may as well share your coffee refills and connect with those lonely peeps around you. With the amount of time you spend talking to us behind the bar, you could have settled down and got married already!
Stop making new resolutions…they’ll never change or get done. You are fine that way you are.
Thanks a latte,
Coffee Girl